


Clutching thin air

by tinylittlebrain



Series: Post-TLJ Reylo Therapy [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, F/M, Force Bonds, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Longing, Reylo - Freeform, TLJ Spoilers, reylo through different eyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 00:45:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13042989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinylittlebrain/pseuds/tinylittlebrain
Summary: Once again, I can't really summarize this due to spoilers. If you've watched TLJ and need a fix, then here is another.---tumblr: tinylittlebrain.tumblr.com





	Clutching thin air

**Author's Note:**

> God I haven't written in ages but damn TLJ and your comments have inspired me to enable our shared obsession.
> 
> \- tiny

This... is _weird._

This conference was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, though not for the reason Poe thought.

Generally, the notion of being in the same room as General Hux and Ren would be enough to thoroughly set his teeth on edge – after all, they had done this once before and between General Hux’s utter incompetence and Lord Outburst’s… well, _outbursts_ , Poe _was_ expecting a shambles, with Hux getting no less then 10 minutes of ‘negotiation’ in before the new ‘Supreme Leader’ lost it and both sides abandoned the charade.

In a way, that would be more familiar, more acceptable than _this._

It was an unprecedented day _three_ of negotiations and Kylo Ren’s eyes have not moved, not for an _instant_ , from Rey. They bore into the young Jedi as if she is the only person in the galaxy, and worse, the look in them is…

_Hungry._

It makes Poe’s skin crawl, this silent battle of wills that no one else is privy to, and in fact who would even know if not for the table occasionally shaking at Rey’s sharp intakes of breaths, or the near-imperceptible shakes and nods of the head from Ren?

 _Or ‘Ben’._ He sneers to himself.

Ben Solo, a name which had previously made the Knight see nothing but red at the last conference, that _still_ seemed to, except from her. When she had spoken it first he could hear the air go out of all the lungs in the room, _feel_ the shock, but Ren had not reacted at all, a concession not even made for his own _mother_.

“He’s there all the time, isn’t he?” Stars help him, he confronts Rey later that night, because the situation is creeping him out, and he needs to know why she hasn’t lit up th saber and just _gone_ for the arrogant prick.

But Rey is uncharacteristically silent. She always is, when the subject of _him_ is broached.

“Rey, if he’s _hurting_ you–”

“I’m tired.” Her tone is abrupt, he meaning clear– she won’t discuss Kylo Ren, not with anyone.

So the next day Poe wants to punch him _more_ , wants to _scream_ at him, peace be damned.

_How dare you. You selfish, selfish bastard._

Rey’s knuckles whiten.

Poe flashes back to the _Finalizer_ and instinctively moves his hand to squeeze Rey’s.

_Mind games._

Suddenly, a long crack runs through the conference table. Ren and Rey abruptly rise.

“This is over.” Both of them speak at once, as one.

Then immediately two things happen. Hux gives a long hiss of air through his nostrils and goes bright puce, while Leia turns questioningly to Rey.

“I’m sorry.” Rey blurts, then she _runs_.

Ren meets Poe’s eyes.

And _smirks._

 

~

 

Kylo tries and fails to conceal his smugness as Rey whips around to face him.

“Ever notice how keen my mother is to send you into danger whenever I bring the Dreadnoughts?” He tries to say it offhandedly but the end lilts with anger.

Kylo Ren is there and not there, circling above the base while  _she_ is present below.

He continues. “ _Using_ you.”

Because she is, because Leia Organa knows he won’t fire while Rey is present.

“Using _you_.” The Jedi retorts, though she doesn’t back away from him.

Kylo is half irritated, half-excited. He knows she’s stalling him, knows there’s an active evacuation, and yet he can’t _stop_ himself. He reaches for her and for once she allows it.

“I wonder how cornered your Resistance needs to get before she just _gives_ you to me?” He murmurs.

_Before you’re traded, again._

Rey flinches.

“You’re cruel.” She whispers.

Klyo pushes down the guilt before it can find purchase. “I have never lied to you.” He rebuts. “ _Never._ ”

Rey snorts. “ _You_ told me Han would have disappointed me.”

Unspoken, there’s a comparison to the scum that were her parents and Han Solo, and even Kylo must admit that a scoundrel like his father would not have done _that._ But it’s still a low, _low_ bar.

Kylo bites his lips for a second before responding. “If that _was_ a lie, it’s because you _still_ don’t understand your worth.” He gestures around them. “Or do you think _I_ would put you in front of laser cannon?”

He moves then, to touch her, gratified by the fact that her body moves towards him as he reaches, fingers touching. He can _feel_ her anticipation as he moves his head towards hers, lips quivering. He _could_ close the gap, wants very badly to, but now that he’s so keenly, _keenly_ attuned to her brand of self-denial, he does not.

_No._

_She_ will be the one to kiss _him_ , and afterwards there will be no denials, no excuses. For now, the disappointment and confusion he feels emanating from her is enough, enough to reaffirm their shared weakness.

“You _will_ join me.” He speaks. “I have _seen_ it.”

He doesn’t add that the _how_ keeps him awake at nights, the doubt. He wants- no, _needs_ her willingly, because he knows he could never do to her what Snoke did to him, what Snoke has _done_ to him. Now he is absent Kylo feels his mind is shattered, grappling with a strange clarity now that this unbearable weight is not bearing down on it.

No, he could no more inflict that on her than he could behead her in Snoke’s chambers.

“ _Ben…”_

He recoils at her tone. She’s in his mind, _pitying_ him, and her hand tries to catch his before he can truly back away.

But suddenly he’s alone, in his chambers.

Clutching thin air.

 

~

 

_“No, no please… I– don’t leave me, please don’t go.”_

Rey tosses in her sleep and Rose turns to face the young Jedi, concerned.

This bedding arrangement is only for one night, but it’s enough for Rose to realise that despite what her child-self would have said, she definitely does _not_ want the Force. As it is, Rey is writhing in pain and half the contents of their room are floating in the air while Rose is frozen, willing herself to overcome her fear and get the General, because surely this isn’t _normal._

But then she actually freezes.

_Someone’s here._

Over Rey’s bed, from _nowhere_ , watching her.

_Kylo Ren._

She recognises the face from a high-level briefing, albeit the face she saw had been much younger. The Supreme Leader of the First Order is somehow _here_ , at their new base, and he’s about to choke their last hope to death. Rose is trying to keep her breathing under control, to do _something_ , but then Ren bends over further and when her eyes follow his arms she realises his hands not on her neck, but stroking her cheek.

_Huh?_

The former maintenance worker tries to make sense of what she is seeing. Is this Rey’s dream? Because it can’t be real, the most terrifying beast in the galaxy soothing his greatest enemy. No, he _must_ be trying to brainwash her somehow, putting something into Rey’s mind, _violating_ her.

_No._

Strength rushes through her. She has no idea what she can do, but she will _do something_. Rey doesn’t have anyone else, and she’s sure as stars not going to lie here and allow… whatever this is to happen.

Rose gets up.

Kylo Ren jumps.

Actually _jumps_ , and for a second Rose thinks how odd it is to have caught him by surprise, that he should be so engrossed in the sleeping Jedi, his yellow eyes widening before he gives almost a sad smile.

“Bad dreams.” He speaks.

_What?_

Rose’s face scrunches up in absolute confusion and she’s about to lunge at the leader of the First Order when his hand reaches out.

“ _You will forget you ever saw this, you will go back to sleep.”_

She fights, she really does, but almost instantly she feels pleasant and warm, at peace.

“I will forget I saw this.” She repeats. “I will go back to sleep.”

And she does, watching Kylo Ren’s thumb trace Rey’s untroubled forehead.

 

~

 

_No._

Rey frowns, the effort of fighting off the Knights starting to overwhelm her.

_No Rey._

No, that’s not right, she realises, the effort _isn’t_ the fight, it’s in trying to ignore the feeling of absolute betrayal.

_Get it together Rey._

Yes. Kylo Ren is her enemy, her greatest enemy, and it shouldn’t surprise her he’s sent his Knights to exterminate her. In fact, it probably shouldn’t surprise her that he couldn’t do it himself. 

_Ben Solo is dead._

He’s told her that, so many times, but even so she’d…

Hoped.

 _Idiot girl._ Whispers a voice from Jakku.

Still, _still_ as she feels the sting of another saber across her shoulder, she doesn’t hate him. She _can’t._ She just wishes this life didn’t have to be hers, but even so at least it wasn’t for nothing _._ She sees the _Extinguisher_ losing gravity in the background, the Resistance’s allies coming to the call, in the thousands - the Order is fallen.

Somehow, incredibly, they’ve _won_ , and as Rey sinks into the ground her dying brain gives into the fantasy that Kylo’s lightsaber is cutting through the darkness, that somehow, someone she loves has _come back_.

_I love you._

Said nobody to no one.

 

~

 

_Ben._

Leia has ruminated on love quite a bit in the past few days, unable to not pace past the med bay as she hears her son screaming, the prostheses searing into his arm. The building shakes with the Force, and she does her best to quell it.

Predictably Kylo Ren said nothing, but Finn _has_ , and she believes his account of her son trading his assistance for a lift to Rey, of him slicing off his own arm in a suicide manoeuvre to prevent a killing blow to the Jedi. Even now he’s only agreed to the replacement after fighting his way to _her_ room, reassuring himself of her survival before tending to his own.

“He loves her.” Finn speaks, utterly shocked. “He actually _loves_ her.”

Finn’s mind is blown, but Leia’s is firmly _not_ , and nor, as she can tell by his tense demeanour, is Poe’s.

It’s not long before her Commander strides up to her, and she braces for the conversation she knows must be had.

“She’s there because of _him_ , General. Those were _his_ Knights.”

Leia has her doubts about that, about whether the Knights were in fact following their leader’s orders, but she stays silent. She can sense Poe’s heated emotions roiling off him.

“I know… I _know_ we can’t kill him, because of the… Bond.” Poe treats the word like it is poison, the connection that binds both of them as one life, inexorably linked. “But we can’t let him _near_ her!”

The General shakes her head. “That’s for Rey to decide.”

“But, Kylo Re–”

“–Kylo Ren is dead and buried in an unmarked grave, Commander Dameron.” Leia snaps, though not unkindly.

Poe sighs, air rushing from his nostrils in annoyance. “Fine. So Ben… _Ardellian_ ,” he spits the common last name, “loves Rey, and then what? They go off and have another kid and we land back in this situation in another 30 years?”

_Ouch._

It’s a low, _low_ blow, but not really one she can rebut easily, and one that betrays Poe’s hand more than anything else, because clearly deep down he already knows who Rey will choose. Because there has never been a choice for Rey.

There are many answers she can think of– that the Force doesn’t work like that, that she doubts after her childhood Rey could even get pregnant, that this generation far, _far_ outmatches the intelligence of three stupid kids too young and naïve to be making choices for the entire galaxy.

But instead she just embraces him, and Poe breaks down and weeps against her shoulder.

“You’re right, you _would_ be better for her.” She states honestly.

In her minds eye, she sees Han, smirking at her in his infuriating way and she sighs.

“But that’s not how love works.”

 

~

 

Rey figures out how the kolto tank works in an instant, and she’s halfway through dragging Ben’s prone form from the fluid before Leia bursts in to reassure her that no, Kylo Ren will not be facing judgement.

So instead she relaxes for a time, and when he wakes he’s given non-descript apartments that she finds herself accompanying him to after his discharge.

But she’s so… _unsure_.

He’s so _quiet_ , and she wonders what might have happened if the Knights hadn’t forced his hand. Does he resent her for what he’s had to give up?

“No.” Kylo answers.

“What?”

“What you’re thinking. _No._ There was no choice to be made. In that moment, you were all that mattered. I thought…” He chokes on the words.

_I thought I’d lost you._

She can feel how volatile his emotions are right now. Relief, fear, anxiety and shame. Still shame, still the ghost of Snoke telling him he’s weak, that he should ashamed of his gentleness, that this, that _love_ , is defeat.

“I love you.”

She says it first, and closes the gap so their lips meet.

Initially, she’s in control, thoroughly, because this isn't totally new for her,  but for a terrible, terrible second she feels doubt as the man beneath her is almost stiff, seemingly unresponsive.

Then something _snaps._

And he’s _on_ her, and somehow, she’s beneath him as he _devours_ her, making a guttural groan like a man whose been starved for life seeing a meal for the first time.

_I have been starved, Rey. I have been._

A thrill rushes though her, at the voice in her head, at the _need_. It’s a warning, of sorts too, but she’s extremely disinterested in heeding it. How many times has she looked into those depths and had to _wrench_ herself, how many times have her dreams replayed her longing back to her, waking with slicked thighs and feeling him respond in kind, a soft whisper of her name as euphoria echoed back and forth through their bond?

She knows this is his first time, but it’s _not_ , not really. Not when they are this linked. He’s tearing through her mind as he tears her clothes, cataloguing her every lurid memory, her every want and she can feel his near obsessive need for this to shatter everything that has preceded this, but it’s also warring with his eagerness and she hums impatiently at his fingers alone, and feels as though the Force hums too.

“Ben…”

She can’t voice it exactly, just that she feels empty, that she needs him within her, close as possible, because she’s been denied so much in her life and she will have _this._

Fortunately, they are, for once, of the same mind, though she feels the moment where all his thoughts _melt_ when he enters her, and is replaced by his almost subconscious thoughts echoing in her mind.

_So good so tight Rey Rey Rey I never knew I never hoped I…_

And then his mind is wrenched from hers because she’s so worked up by it all that’s all it takes for her to be shuddering around him, a quivering mess as she looks into his eyes.

And he _smirks._

For a mad second their old dynamic returns and she almost rolls her eyes at the notion that _now_ is the time he chooses to show restraint.

But instead Ben chuckles as he begins to move.

_I have no restraint when it comes to you._

His body dwarfs hers, yet she feels heady with power as he gasps and moans at the sensation, pushing them back through the connection, lips hungrily upon hers until she can’t because there’s too _much_ to feel and…

_“Rey…”_

That’s it, an almost pleading groan and she’s falling off the edge again, with him this time, clinging to her like he will never let her go.

And he doesn’t, not for a very, very long time. As if she’s somewhere else and he’s worried she disappear, like always.

Perhaps to another woman, it would be disquieting, or even uncomfortable to have the weight of such a massive man settled atop her, but his fears are hers too and she has been so _lonely_ , so starved.

Eventually he does get up though, and when he does, he sits on the edge of the bed and doesn’t talk for some time.

Until he does.

“I saw so many futures, Rey– _all of them_. All of _us._ I picked…I picked the one that scared me least.” He pauses. “The one I knew you would reject.”

_~_

Rey is quiet behind him, thinking.

Ben feels panic track though him– it is a shameful confession, but one he hadn’t truly understood himself until now, because now is the first time in his life that he's not at war with himself. Not torn between Kylo Ren and Ben Solo, but something else, something different entirely.

Still, when she does talk, he expects rejection.

But instead Rey’s voice is breathy, calm.

“What else did you see?” 


End file.
